I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
