I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
