The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
