I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
