Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
