I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
