I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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