Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
