I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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