This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
