Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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