All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
