I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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