so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need a beard to bite.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
