Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
