I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
