he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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