First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
