i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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