it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
