She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
