ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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