Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
