If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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