I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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