fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
