I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
