i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
