I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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