I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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