We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
