his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
