you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
