Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
