Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
