Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
