You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
