i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
