he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
