Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
