Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
