Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
