in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
