I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
