I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
