There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
