so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
