I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
