Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
