His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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