Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
