i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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