why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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