Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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