Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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