I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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