your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I stole a fireplace last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize