Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Boobs speak an international language.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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