i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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