When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
