How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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