i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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