Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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