i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
