it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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