oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
