It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize