I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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