we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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